Engagement Part 2
Tackle the Tough Issues
Openly and honestly discuss your earliest moments of pain and hardship that still trigger you today. Let God reveal to you where He wants to bring healing and restoration. It’s never too late to grow beyond your past mistakes.
It’s easy to see the flaws of others without looking at ourselves. It’s important to address your weaknesses so you can enter marriage as a blessing rather than a curse to your spouse. Never enter marriage thinking, What about me?
All of us need to make changes in our behaviors as we live our lives, so there is no time like now. Allow God to convict you and show you where you need to change. God’s purpose is for you to grow in His grace and His knowledge.
We can either surrender to His mighty hand while He’s working with us or turn away. No matter what, God has a way of producing in us what He needs for us to change. It’s easier to go with the flow instead of hanging on until the Lord forces our hands. So be open to the Lord Jesus Christ, and let His peace and mercy rule in your life.
Build on the wonderful knowledge you’ve learned about each other thus far. Talk through your answers to the following questions so you can get to know each other more intensely.
All the issues and questions identified up to this point would be discussed further during premarital counseling.
ENGAGEMENT
Becoming engaged will be one of the most memorable days in your life. It is saying yes to someone who you believe is the one you’ll spend your life with.
Have you two discussed any weaknesses in your relationship that you are determined not to carry into your marriage? If so, what are those boundaries, and are you both living out those boundaries now? take some time to discuss healthy boundaries for your marriage to come?
Take a minute and answer the following questions:
Are there any red flags in your relationship? If so, list and discuss them.
Will you be a two-career household, or will one be responsible for the duties at home instead of working outside of the home?
Who did the chores in each of your households when you two were young?
Have you discussed who will be the household chores when you’re married?
What godly fruit or characteristics do you both display? What are they?
Have you two been through any tough trials while dating? If so, what happened and how did you both experience it?
Are you and your fiance (or fiancee) able to accept and offer criticism? If no, why not?
What does it mean to have marriage as a covenant and how do we uphold our positions as husband and wife?
YOUR LOVE LANGUAGES
Every individual was born with a love tank.
In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman discusses five primary ways people express love: touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service.
Understanding the ways the two of you express love toward one another is key for both of you to know how you prefer to receive or express love.
I would gift it to anyone who’s in a relationship! It is such a wonderful example of how we should love the other person exactly how God designed them. Take a minute and discuss what are your top two love languages.
Discuss the five love languages
How do you plan to show love to your spouse?
What are the top two love languages you can’t live without? Provide examples.
How are you implementing your love to one another?
ACCOUNTABILITY
Accountability is allowing an individual, couple, or group to mentor, coach, confront, and teach you skills that will make your life better. These need to be Christians who live by their faith, are trustworthy, and won’t judge you because of any trials may be facing. Your panel also needs to be objective, so they can’t be people who idolize you, your spiritual walk, or your career.
Allow those you selected to speak openly and objectively, without hesitation, and without the fear that your friendship might end abruptly because they spoke truth to you. They need to be able to give objective opinions when you need clarity. And you need an opportunity to ask for their perspectives, no matter how you feel about what they might say.
As they come to know your story – the good, the bad, and the ugly – they will urge you to do the work needed to develop yourself and take you to the next level in your spiritual walk.
Let this accountability create hope, support, and encouragement in and through you.
2 Timothy 3:16 says,
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.”
